Just had a long venting conversation with Nick. He may not have been able to offer a lot of advice, but at least he always listens. He’s honestly the best there is — worth ten friends. If I were to go ahead and leave the country, he’s honestly the only person I’d be sad to leave behind. Well… and Christopher.
Just casually eating my feelings with a giant bag of M&M’s. Stewing about my dad’s ambush at lunch today, thinking how I cannot possibly go to college here without wanting to kill myself, but wondering how I’m going to manage flatshares and working in London all on my own, never mind the fact that there’s no way I can move over there legally. But thinking that probably won’t stop me, when it all comes down to it. Because I’m a desperate sod. And I’m probably being stupid and impulsive, and in a couple years, I’m going to regret not finishing school and not staying put and not waiting a little longer — but I’m so sick of feeling like I’m not in control of my own life, and all I want is to do something for me, something that makes me happy, something that I want. Maybe if I’m lucky, within six months, I’ll meet a guy that I could stand for about three years and we could get married and once I get my citizenship, I can procure a hasty divorce. That would be nice. (oh, my life. it’s all going downhill.)
